Stand Up and Rock!

Guess who got his first regular hosting gig?

If you guessed me, then that was a lucky guess (odds were not in my favor, 5 to 1).

I know what you're thinking:

"Is this some kind of sick joke?"

"Who would give this punk, who smiles more than the joker, a hosting gig?" 

"Isn't that the janitor at the Rivercenter Comedy Club?" 

Well yes, I am the janitor, but I kid you not, one person who reads my blog (I'm assuming my girlfriend, Amanda). I got my first regular hosting gig at the Night Rocker Live! 

The show is called Stand Up and Rock! As of now it is going to be every Thursday starting at 10 pm. Tomorrow, Thursday January 31 will be my first show! I'm thankful for having this opportunity and I hope to make it a high quality show. 

This week I am lucky to have some of the best SA Comedians: Bobby Smith IV, Cody O'Dell, and George Anthony. 

Cody O'Dell

George Anthony, Host of Bootleg

Bobby Smith IV 

aka B. Smitty 

aka AK-4

aka Soil 

aka Throw Your 4's Up

Special Event: Hannibal Buress

San Antonio is in for a treat! 

(Such a great opening line.)

Hannibal Buress, Comedy Central's 2012 Club Comedian of the Year, is performing at the LOL Comedy Club January 24-26th. 

Who is Hannibal Buress? 

“If Steven Wright, Mos Def and Dave Chappelle had a baby, that would be disgusting, but it would sound like Hannibal Buress. The funniest young comic I’ve seen in years.”

- Chris Rock

  





 

 “Hannibal is incredibly funny with a smart, unique style and I am proud to be his father.”

- Jim Gaffigan

 


 

“I haven’t heard this album [MY NAME IS HANNIBAL], and I never will. But I’ve seen Hannibal do comedy, and if the CD is a recording of him doing comedy, then it’s probably worth getting. I mean, I still won’t get it, but you can. And you might like it.”

 - Todd Barry

“Hannibal is funny on stage and off stage and right in between, too.”

-Demetri Martin

“Hannibal’s debut album [MY NAME IS HANNIBAL] is hilarious. Also hilarious - Aziz Ansari’s debut album Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening, now available in stores EVERYWHERE!”

 - Aziz Ansari

 

“One of the best joke writers I’ve ever seen. He’s one of the few performers I’ve come across that creates such electricity in a room that I think ‘this guy is going to be a star FOR SURE.”

-Mike Birbiglia

                                                      

“He [Hannibal Buress] makes me laugh.”

-John Magallanez

There you have it, folks! 

Hannibal Buress is part comedian, part rapper, and Jim Gaffigan's son. 

Hannibal Buress has appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel Live and numerous other late night TV shows. He has also made prime time appearances on Louie and 30 Rock. Buress has previously worked on the writing staffs of 30 Rock and SNL, and released his debut album, My Name Is Hannibal, in 2010 on Stand Up! Records. His Comedy Central, Hannibal Buress: Animal Furnace, was named one of the Top 10 Specials of 2012.

This is Hannibal Buress on the morning show, Charlotte Today.

Maybe we can get him on San Antonio Living, Shelly Miles/ Cleto?

I recommend watching his not so DVD Exclusive One Week To Kill. A documentary that shows Hannibal preparing for his Comedy Central Special.

Don't miss out! 

To whoever stole my spare tire:

I'm assuming you had a flat tire during an attempt to get your pregnant wife to the hospital. You began to freak out as the contractions got closer. Then out of pure desperation (and love for your wife) you stole my spare to finally get her the medical attention she needs while she's in labor. I also assume, that after the greatest moment of your life, you will return my spare tire to me and name your first born (whether a boy or a girl) John Magallanez (Your last name here.) And yes, I want his middle name to be Magallanez.

If this isn't the case, then you have made a fierce enemy. I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very short career in comedy. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my spare tire go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not joke about you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill on stage, with not just one joke but multiple bits about you.

Comedy is Love

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.

If comedy isn't a love language, then I don't know what love is. And if I don't know what love is, then that might explain why my girlfriend lives 583 miles from me...

(And yes, sometimes I start sentences with conjunctions. That rule is outdated. )

Dr. Gary Chapman is famous for describing the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical/Touch.

Placing comedy in just one of the five love languages doesn't do comedy justice. Comedy sometimes uses words, but they're hardly words of affirmation. Don't get me wrong, comedy is often a declaration of truth, but more often then not, it's a declaration that has an underlying message of disbelief.

This is the Face of a Survivor/
One of my favorite comedians

Fighting for Peace is like Screwing for virginity. 
                                                                                                                        - George Carlin

Comedy can be seen as an Act of Service. Comedians provide a service that people need. People need to laugh. More importantly, people need to laugh at the world.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you findlaughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.
                                                                                                                          - Bill Cosby

However, comedy is more than an Act of Service (I mainly say that because I'm following through with my thesis.) A wise man once said, "Comedy, when done right, is a gift of wisdom, wrapped in a funny package so you don't forget it." (Ladies and gentleman, I am that wise man.) Comedy is a gift for both the audience members and the comedian. For the audience, it is a time for laughter and joy. For the comedian, along with the laughter,  it is an outlet for his ideals, and feelings (and perhaps his or her repertoire of nice dick jokes.)

The last love languages are quality time and physical/touch. Live comedy shows can be great quality time to have with loved ones. Keep in mind though that only the comedian should be talking. (Nobody likes quality time with hecklers.) Also, it is only appropriate if a comedian touches you metaphorically. If a comedian gets physical with you, then it is probably not part of their act, and you should get help immediately (Didn't this blog start off with a MLK Jr. quote?) I digress, my point is that although comedy does fit certain love languages, one love language does not encompass all that comedy is. 

I love comedy. Therefore, I share that love with others. 

So what was the point of this blog?

There is no greater love or service than comedy. So this MLK Jr. Day, you should go see Clifton Simmons at the Rivercenter Comedy Club!

Great local comedians including: Larry Garza (Host of Public Axis), George Anthony (Host of Bootleg), and C.I. Jackson (Probably has a podcast too) will be performing for you on your day off. Also, Big Cliff was gracious enough to give me a five minute guest spot!

Who's Big Cliff?

Clifton Simmons is an improvisational comic who mixes rap, poetry, and music to relay sensational stories about life in a unique "His-Panic" style. He will be in the upcoming film, "Last Friday" produced by Ice Cube. Catch him before he blows up!

Rest in Peace

Andrew John Talamantes

A beloved father, son, and brother passed away this year. Andrew "Andyman 5000" Talamantes was a local comedian and will forever be remembered as a great and respectful young man. I'm not the right man to talk on his behalf. I've only known Andrew from his comedy work. So I wish to simply say, "God Bless" and tribute a post to his life and art. 

Guest Book for Andrew Talamantes

Mustache Monday

Why "Mustache Monday"?     Well, to be honest, I just couldn't think of a better alliteration for Monday. Especially since I already used "Madness" in yesterday's title (Magical, monumental, and mental didn't quite fit.) Also, the title goes great with Rahn Ramey's mustache!   SPECIAL EVENT:  Rahn Ramey   From 'Planes, Train, and Automobiles' Rahn Ramey is back at Laugh Out Loud to help ring in the New Year with Matt Holt featuring and Jay LaFarr hosting! His last two shows are tonight at 8:00 and 10:15 pm. Tickets are only $20. Buy Tickets Here His act, “Bill Cosby on crack,” or “Adulterated garbage,” takes a look at marriage, weddings, relationships, among other subjects. “Whatever’s being talked about in the media, I’m doing jokes about it,” Ramey said. “I write for seven different comics. I’m always getting subjects thrown at me so I write jokes about them. I have nothing to do all day.”

 

Best Bang For Your Buck!

Big Herb's Comedy Blow Out: SEVEN great local comedians are putting a show together at the Rivercenter Comedy Club for only $10! That's less than two dollars a comic ($1.42 to be exact). Plus you get free parking! That price is such a deal for audience members that it's almost degrading for the comedians (unless you support them by coming to the show!). Take advantage and start your week off right!

Podcast Madness

It's a universal truth that everybody loves seeing a schmuck sweat on stage.  

No Bigger Schmuck than yours truly!

That's why we all love stand-up comedy. That's why I created this blog: to tell you about the best shows and the best schmucks in town!

That being said, let's face it San Antonio, going out every night isn't our thing. It's a big city and we're big people (with comfy couches.) But just cause you stay in tonight doesn't mean you have to deprive yourself of some great local comedians (and the local comedians I mention too)!

A few highly evolved comedians have brought their comedy to the digital age by creating their own podcasts. They bring their humor, insights, and B.S. (Business Savvy) right to you and your lazy-boy (redundant?).  

Check out some of the Best Podcasts
in San Antonio:

The Guy's Spot:

Just 3 guys talking about life from a guy's perspective and having fun while doing it.

The Guys Spot is a good contrast to the other podcasts on the list because they don't tend to riff as much. They share their funny stories and insights and it reminds me of great bar conversation. Also, ShredtheGnarBrah (from iTunes customer review) says that "It's one of the best podcasts that not enough people know about. Hdizzle and his co hosts cover a nice variety of topics and do great interviews. Metal head is one of the funniest dudes I've ever heard. Support this show" And if ShredtheGnarBrah says it, it must be true. I recommend 
checking out the latest episode, Episode #6, featuring Bonafide Hustla 
so you can learn how to make a quick profit! 

Public Axis:

San Antonio's award winning sketch comedy troupe touch your topics inappropriately with their live and at-home comedy podcast!

An extremely well-made podcast that never disappoints! They provide hours of entertainment. There's no better place to start than Episode #1, their Top Download Episode. "It's overstuffed with great people; Cleto Rodriguez, Alex KOOLAID Ansel, Jay Whitecotton and Quinn Dahle! It was their first live episode and first official podcast so it's a great listen in contrast to where the show is now. Great stories, great people and great laughs!"


 
That Tastes Funny:

 A Food dedicated Podcast by two of my favorite local comedians, Mike Suarez and Alex "Kool Aid" Ansel.

"Every episode [well, the one so far] includes their insights, journeys, and flavorful adventures their palates go through. Also featured are interviews with Comedians about food on the road, clubs and wherever. From your earbuds to your tastebuds the "That Tastes Funny" Podcast is your destination if you're hungry for laughs and starved for entertainment." I highly recommend checking out Episode #1 with their special guest, Kristin Key.



Bootleg:

 Comedians George Anthony and Raul Sanchez present a podcast of honest comedy.

I don't know how to describe this podcast, but the hosts probably wouldn't be able to describe it either. Which is what makes this such a fun podcast to listen to. It's just a couple of comedians and their friends having hilarious conversation and shooting the shit. I recommend checking out Episode #2 because they took their first episode off the internet (I'm assuming out of shame.) I also recommend checking out Episode #3 because they show my blog and the other podcasts a little love.

What's Up At The Club Tonight?

ERIK RIVERA, one New York's fastest rising young comedians, 

is at the Rivercenter Comedy Club!

This charismatic comedian is guaranteed to make your Sunday night! The show starts at 8:30 p.m. and tickets are only $15.

Buy Tickets Here

The prestigious Riverventer Comedy Club has been making San Antonio laugh since 1993. Each week, they bring in top comedians from across the country to headline their shows!

Comedians such as  George Lopez, Chris Rock, Drew Carey, Robin Williams, Jay Leno, Ron White, Jeff Dunham and many more talents have graced the Rivercenter Showroom stage.

True Friends Stand-Up For You

Sometimes you can know how good a person is by how their friends stand by them. 

I haven't had the pleasure of meeting Mark Riojas, but the comedy community is introducing me. Local comics began by having a Christmas toy drive for Mark's son.

Now, all of the best comics in San Antonio have put together a benefit comedy show for their friend and colleague, Mark Riojas. If you have ever considered going to a comedy show in San Antonio, then this is the one to go to! 

Great Comedians! Great Music! Great Cause!

Who Am I?

Trust me… I’m a Doctor Comedian

Young up-and-coming comedian, John Magallanez, was born and raised in San Antonio. 

     In other words, I’m Mexican-American, infatuated with Big Red soda, and considers BEAN AND CHEESE TACOS worth capitalizing. Raised by a loving, absurd, and traditionally loud family, I was born to entertain. The only problem was: nobody ever told me this, so I grew up painfully shy and focused on my studies. Even though I had no true talents to speak of, it wouldn't be long until the entertainer side of me would begin to take stage. I attended Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran School from kindergarten to 8th grade, where I was known for my basketball playing and the debut of my rap group's parody album, “Pickle in My Soup.” Later, I graduated from O.W. Holmes High School, where I was nominated for, and lost, the coveted class title of “Best Smile,” and was instead awarded the lowly and more superficial title of “Best Personality.” It was in college, however, where I would finally find my voice as a solo entertainer. Unfortunately, it was the voice of an amazingly mediocre spoken word poet and, although ironically funny, it was not yet the voice of the rising comedian we’ve all grown to love today. I graduated with a degree in biology from Loyola University in New Orleans with the honest intentions of becoming a doctor. After graduation (and after the San Antonio Spurs somehow overlooked drafting me), I finally decided to pursue my crazy dream of comedy instead of medical school.

     I would obsessively go to comedy open-mic nights telling myself, “Next week, I’m going to take the stage!” In the end, my social anxiety always seemed to get the best of me. So next week never came. Until one day, I built up the courage to take the stage and turn the microphone on. People laughed, one lady (who was questionably not sober) even asked me for my autograph, and I haven’t looked back since. My supportive family is a big part of my comedy. They give me more than enough material to write about. My clean comedy routine, not too far from my personality, is often self-deprecating humor, mixed with ridiculous overconfidence, and a dash of observational wit. It’s hard to pinpoint what attracts me to stand-up comedy but I simply just love making people laugh.

     My second time doing stand-up was in a weekly comedy contest at the Bonham Exchange, hosted by the great Joan Rivieras. After losing miserably to Alex “Kool-Aid” Ansel, I was introduced to Nick “The Mailman” Charles, who booked me for my first paid show (despite my lack of a stage name.) I can’t give Nick enough thanks for giving me the opportunity to do what I love and follow a crazy dream. I would love to make comedy my primary profession, but for now I enjoy being a student of comedy. I’m new, and as all new people, I understand that I have dues to pay and time to give. My next show will be 8pm, December 14 at Backstage LIVE for the RawArtists Showcase. Normally, I’m doing open mic sets 5 nights a week at various venues. I’m trying to get as much stage time as possible and write as much as my attention span allows. When I’m at home I practice my jokes in a clunky old karaoke machine that I set up in my room. As I’m writing this, I’m practicing my jokes out loud, and a while ago I heard my mom yell out, “Hey! What’s all that noise in there? It sounds like someone’s chasing a DYING DREAM, with a microphone!” And she’s right, because I do have a microphone on.