“Pizza Rolls”
Written By: John Magallanez
CAST
J - 60 year old; mom of Emma
L - 60 year old; mom of Emma; Sweet southern accent.
EMMA - Mid-20 year old female
(L and J are standing in a kitchen. EMMA walks in.)
L
We got you some groceries, honey.
EMMA
(In a sarcastic tone.)
Oh great, thanks, Mom.
J
And look, we stocked your freezer with pizza rolls! I even put some in the oven for you.
EMMA
Mom, you know I don’t eat those anymore.
J
But you used to love pizza rolls. What’s wrong? Are you-- (whispers)depressed--again?
EMMA
I’m not depressed.
L
Quit making Emma upset, J.
J
Oh what? Now I’m the bad guy? Chub Chub’s always loved pizza rolls.
L
You know she doesn’t like it when you call her Chub Chub, J.
EMMA
Guys, I just got home for work. Can you just let me relax?
L
(In a baby voice.)
Yeah, J, our baby’s had a looong day at work. Let her relax.
EMMA
Mom, I can speak for myself.
J
Yeah, L, quit making Emma upset.
(J walks to the back of the stage and takes a cookie sheet with pizza rolls out of the oven.)
EMMA
Both of ya’ll, just please be quiet.
J
Alright, no need to get so sensitive. Here try one of the pizza rolls.
EMMA
I don’t want any. Just throw them away.
L
Well, you don’t want to be wasteful. There’s kids in Japan you know.
EMMA
Mom, Japan’s a highly developed nation, they don’t need pizza rolls. And I already said I don’t want any. I’m trying to eat healthy.
J
Here, one little pizza roll won’t hurt you.
(J puts a pizza roll in EMMA’s mouth.)
EMMA
(EMMA takes a bite and the sauce lands on her right arm and starts to burn.)
Ahh! It burns!
J
So dramatic.
EMMA
(EMMA wipes off the sauce from her arm and a piece of her skin slides off with it.)
L
Oh geez, I’ve never seen skin slide off like that.
EMMA
Jesus! I told you I didn’t want any.
J
Okay, relax, they’re cooled off now. Here try this one.
(J puts another pizza roll in EMMA’s mouth.)
EMMA
(EMMA takes a bite and the sauce lands on her left arm and starts to burn.)
Ahh! Why are you doing this to me?
L
(L walks to the back of the kitchen and gets a spoonful of sugar.)
Oh come here, honey. Come here. Come here. Come here. Have some sugar. It will calm you down.
EMMA
No, I don’t want sug-
EMMA & L
(L puts the spoonful of sugar in EMMA’s mouth. EMMA swallows the sugar.)
L
(In a baby voice.)
Feel better, baby?
EMMA
No, why don’t ya’ll get that I’m trying to eat healthy now?
L
Oh, sweetie, we just want to take care of you.
EMMA
But you don’t need to-
J
Alright, alright, now they’re definitely cooled off. Here!
(J puts another pizza roll in EMMA’s mouth.)
EMMA
Maw-
(EMMA chews and eyes look surprised.)
L
Did it burn you again, honey?
EMMA
No, it’s actually pretty good.
J
That’s our Chub Chub.
(Blackout.)
